Most embarrassing moments. Is it possible to have ten most embarrassing moments? Because I have a lot. Like the time in high school when I managed to escape the face-painting hazing of the senior players on my football team. They grabbed the underclassmen on their way in to school and painted their faces in preparation for the game that night.

I slipped their grasp when I got off the bus only to be cornered in the main lobby which was full of students. So in addition to getting my face painted, the upperclassmen decided to hang me by my belt loop on a hook on the wall. There I was, in the main lobby mobbed with fellow students hanging on the wall like a piece of bad sophomore art.

It took me a minute to figure out how to get down. It’s harder than you think when you’re suspended in space – and you’re still a sophomore. I took my belt off, slid down the wall and disappeared down the hallway. The damage was already done. The humiliation was complete. And my body art was the best story passed around that day.

There are worst humiliations, I know. But I was fifteen and scrawny and struggling with zits. But I survived and can laugh about it today. I might cry about it tomorrow but I can laugh about it today.

You can survive embarrassing moments. Humiliations are inevitable. We say dumb things at the wrong time. Or we get called out on a mistake at work. Why do some people in authority remind us that they’re in charge by humiliating us when we make a mistake?

Some humiliation leaves scars. I had a boss get frustrated with me about how I was handling things in the office. He confronted me and said my haphazard approach was uncaring and not respecting others. I’ve never been accused of that! (see how I used the word “accused”). I thought everybody else was just too slow and couldn’t keep up with me. I was a whirlwind of great activity! He saw me as a tornado leaving a mess in my wake that others had to clean up.

He was right. I was mad, hurt and humiliated. He cut me and it left a scar.

I had three choices. The same three choices you have whenever you are confronted with embarrassment or humiliation.

I could retaliate. I could retreat. Or I could redirect.

Retaliate. We reject the kernel of truth in the comment or action and fight. We plan a counter-attack of humiliation for revenge. I swear no one will ever get this close to me again to hurt me. This is the pathway to bitterness where we grow ugly and hardened and inflexible. We horde our talent and say “Screw them!” Or we may choose to handle it with…

Retreat. We assume most if not everything said is true and we collapse. We are paralyzed by the putdown. We hesitate to put ourselves out there again for fear of the blowback of embarrassment. Our ideas and input go unheard. We avoid acting at all in fear of embarrassment or humiliation. Or even failure. We don’t say what we need to or do what is necessary because we are afraid. The third choice you have to handle humiliation or embarrassment is…

Redirect. We accept the inevitable – that mistakes are made, all the time. People misinterpret what we say, all the time.  Mean people like being mean. The key is asking the right question when we are humiliated.

Don’t ask, “Why does this always happen to me?” Or “What should I say to get even?” That’s retreating and retaliating.

Ask, “What can I do to improve this situation?” Or “What can I do to improve myself and get stronger?”

In some cultures, a bride is secured with a dowry payment of some sort. In ancient Palestine, a man named Jacob wanted a woman named Rachel to be his bride. Rachel’s dad said, “Work for me for seven years and my daughter can be your wife.” Because he was in love with her, Jacob worked seven years. But they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

At the end of seven years, his future father-in-law extended the agreement seven more years. Since he still loved Rachel, Jacob worked seven more years. I can’t imagine his relationship with his future father-in-law was holding up too well. In the process, Jacob became a schemer, bending the rules of his in-laws’ business to gather more than his share of wealth to himself. His life, work and marriage were in someone else’s control for fourteen years and he fought against it. He was a scheming covert retaliator. It made him wealthier but not wiser. After fourteen years, he finally had control of it all and moved away, married and wealthy.

God was ready to bless him beyond measure but Jacob had become a man not worthy of blessing. Manipulator, control-freak. I can understand why after the humiliation and raw deals he got for fourteen long years. Still, not ready to be blessed. He needed to know in his heart who was really in control of his journey. He had to understand that if he continued to be the sole driver of his life, he eventually would send it way off track. So what did God do?

²⁴ So Jacob was left alone,and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

²⁹ Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

³⁰ So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

³¹ The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

He gave Jacob one last chance to wrestle and surrender, to stop fighting and redirect his anger. But Jacob wouldn’t stop fighting so God did something to remind him of a greater Power and purpose – he hurt him. In fact, he crippled him. He gave him a physical injury that daily reminded him to stop fighting and trust instead, to see a greater Power and purpose in life’s twists and turns.

Jacob’s limp helped him listen. And he became a great blessing for generations.

God continues to work this process on us. Later He reminds them He still allows circumstances “to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, ‘My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.’ But remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth…” Deuteronomy 8:16-18

Jacob learned by his limp. He became wise and a blessing. Our scars can be our teachers too if we allow them. Embarrassment can make us better and not bitter. Humiliation may be painful but it doesn’t have to be permanent. The scars can serve a greater purpose if we choose to let them do a positive work in us. Do you want to be held back by it or move forward through it? Retaliate, retreat or redirect. It is your choice.

So what did I do with my boss’ confrontation? I kind of did all three. I argued for a while in retaliation trying to prove him wrong. He shut me up pretty quick. I didn’t like that. So I retreated and had a pity party and thought about switching jobs.

Then I came to my senses and realized I needed to change. I redirected my embarrassment and humiliation and let it do a work in me to be better. I needed to change – not because he was telling me to change but because I wanted to be a better person. More respectful, more caring, more mature. I chose to grow.

Which response are you tempted to take the most – retaliate or retreat? We all have a tendency. The person who chooses to grow knows her weakness and moves away from it. She knows when she is weak and grabs that opportunity to redirect her reactions to make something better. To make someone – even herself – better!

Proverbs 15:31,33 “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home with the wise. The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.”

---

For a personal guide, click on the +NEXT STEP below. For a deeper study guide, click on the +DEEP DIVE below. You can also have either of these guides sent to you weekly by signing up with the buttons on the right.